I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
