I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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