I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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