what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love having hate sex.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
