Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
