I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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