College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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