Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
