So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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