remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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