I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am naked and annoyed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize