I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
