Apparently you make a good broom.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
