I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
