It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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