he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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