You're completely useless in the revolution.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize