apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
