this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
