that's an acceptable place to lick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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