Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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