saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I looked at my own cervix.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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