she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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