She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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