I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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