Why are handjobs necessary in class?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
