Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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