uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
