you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
