one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
