apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
