I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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