Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
