i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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