New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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