I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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