My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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