You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
