i will never coherently bang her
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
