I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pants are for mortals
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
