when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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