I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
