I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
