Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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