i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
