What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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