it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
