if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
