Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
