Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Randomize
