they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
