dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
