Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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