i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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