yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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