know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
