Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize