don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
FUCK WHALES
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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