who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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