My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
