I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My day in three words: secret purse cake
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
