Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize