It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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