i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
