I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
