why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
