Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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