shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
